  Zanaa Nasir♥ |
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Friday, August 26, 2011
I've sinned today, my friends. The most catastrophic & devastating day of my entire life. By now, surely I've been blacklisted by God. To sin towards someone who stood up for you in times of despair, gave you a helping hand when in need, encouraged you at times you feel like giving up. I admit, it was heart-wrenching that I feel like dying. It was and always is my mistake. I never learn. Even if I did, it's solely out of pretense. That's the thing, I don't want to pretend and be insincere towards God. I prayed for light, guidance, forgiveness, with faith, all those will be given to me. It all takes time for this to be done willingly, slowly, I'll be deeply committed. Why rush? Shows like you just don't wanna live under HIS gift & purpose for long. Devotion, that's what it is. I have yet to be devoted, but let me do it my way. You won't ever see me living up to your expectations 'cause that's not how I want it to be. My sins, my responsibility. I never ask for anyone to share my burdens. I don't need help since I'm fully aware what activities have I wasted my time on. Be it worth my time or not, what have I become proves the purpose, proves the people, proves the belief & proves the trust. As someone who's quite egoistic, orders are clearly detested. Especially if it's something I'm knowledgeable about. So stop telling me what to do, I ain't a kid. Though out of respect for an elder like you, I'll cock things up. Humans are not perfect. So am I and so are you. So is everything & everyone in this whole wide world. You want things to be perfect in your way, find your own people. I'm a major disappointment so don't bring things up regarding ME. As much as I've poured my hearts out to anyone like mum, or Sima, or whoever close enough to be trusted. But I do have secrets & thoughts I keep to myself. Opinions, in particular. Yes, why opinions & not feelings? Well, no one ever identify mine so why tell? As mentioned before, what am I prove the trust & belief I have in things or people that I love. Feeling of remorse will surround me till eternity. Till then, I'm gonna dedicate my life & time following & fulfilling HIS orders instead of yours though they're both similar cause I hate you for forcing & making me to hurt my beloved. You can forgive me since that's what you have to do, but sorry, I'm not you. Despise me all you want, but I don't give a fucking damn. Never ever belittle my capabilities & expertise in, you've yet to learn that. 3:58 PM |
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